Happy eid mubarak

Thought its been a while since I've updated anything here so why not.

4-5 years ago, just right after I finished my National Services, people keep asking me;
"What do you want to be?"

I honestly have no idea what I want to be. The first thing on my mind  was "a mathematician". I always loved math, it makes me feel smart whenever I can solved an equation or two, but all that stops when people start laughing about it. It doesn't really bother me because I never cut out to be a good mathematician. Besides, my brain can't multitask. It'll self destruct almost immediately whenever I stressed out. But till now, it was never a faded dream.

The second thing I wanted to be is a footballer (football science study). I've been playing football since year 2000-2001 and I'm still playing because I feel good, I feel confident, I feel happy, whenever the ball is at my feet. But just like any other dream, it was merely impossible. Parents never going to agree. What if you failed to become a professional footballer? You got no other diploma / certificates and the only jobs you're going to get is the one that only uses SPM cert as the requirement only.  Altho, my parents never really rejected the idea because they have always been supportive to me. They even sent me to play for a football club during 2006 - 2008. First Track Football Club. One of my fondest memories. I've learned a lot from coach Firdaus. Going to Johor Tournament during school days and ended up finishing 3rd its the best experience I ever had. Unfortunately for us players, the club disbanded without any notice in 2009.

But who I really wanted to be?

It all came down on the 29th of July 2014. My family and I were at my uncle's house at Tikam Batu. It was a small isolated house. The hospitality of course, have always been great whenever we came to visit. All of uncle's children are one of the nicest people I've ever met, including his wife, of course.

That night, during Maghrib prayer in that house, my cousin, Naim, was leading the prayer. It was just like any other prayers, but his experience in leading the prayer is remarkable. I was dumb to realize one thing. A thing that I've never done before. A thing all of mothers and fathers would loved to see; having your son leading the prayer.

As soon as the prayer ends, I overheard mom talking to Naim. "Mak Jang tabik respect dekat kau, Naim. Boleh jadi imam dekat mak kau." Mom was in tears. As a son, you never wanted to see your mom crying, never, even if its because of a good thing (mom cried before during her visit to my National Service because she said I changed a lot). I broke into tears whenever mom is crying. So mom, if you're reading this, please don't cry in front of me xD

That day, I realized what I really wanted to be. I want to be the imam, the leader, to my mother, and inshaAllah, to my future wife and kids in prayers. I've the experience of leading the solat, but never the time for my family..

P/S : Please do ignore all of my typos/grammatical errors. I'm too lazy to re-read this lol but nevertheless,

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir & Batin!

aot

Wrote something really long. But couldn't post it out because my iPad doesnt plan on letting me share my secrets here. Couldnt find the draft. Meh.